The Big Shot

The deep green padding on the arms of the chair swept my mind with a memory of my great-grandmothers Louisiana kitchen. Mammaw was one of the strongest and jolliest ladies I’ve ever known. As my young daughter pulled herself up to sit on that green seat - big enough for three more six-year-olds to fit in together - I hoped she would have the same characteristics as Mammaw; strong and jovial. Reese’s big brown eyes scanned the room and locked with mine, ”You got this,” I whispered. 

The nurse smiled as she rolled her seat over to touch her knees with Reese’s. “What have you been doing at school today?” 

 

My smart girl gave no response except a nervous smirk; she never falls for distraction tactics. The nurse gently scrunched Reese’s tiny pink sleeve up toward her shoulder and laid her arm out flat, palm facing up. The rip of the sterilizing wipe, one glance at me and the tears began to flow. I clasped Reese’s free hand in mine and squished her lovie blanket tight against her leg as a comfort reminder, but again, no distraction works with this one, she wants to know exactly what’s happening and when it’s happening, even if she’s terrified of it. 

 

No more delays now, it was time for the blood draw: ‘the big shot’ as we call it in our house. 

 

We found out after her first birthday that Reese had a peanut allergy. Since then, once a year her allergist runs tests on her blood to determine her peanut allergy levels. I’m not sure there’s anything she hates more. Except maybe the smell of peanut butter. 

 

I tried to turn her head to look toward me, thinking not watching the shot go in her arm would be better. She insisted on watching. 

 

I began my “script” which I’d told her many times before, “If I could take this away and take it on for you, I would! But God has made this as a part of your story, Reese Mason. And he made you to do hard things. That’s why he sent Jesus, as a rescuer, to help us tackle our hard things. With Jesus, we can do it. YOU can do this.” But in that little room, with each tear flowing down her cheek, my heart broke a little more watching my baby do a hard thing. 

 

She cried little sniffles until the blue rubber band was released from around her bicep. She knew that meant it was almost over. “You’re amazing,” the nurse beamed to Reese, “You did better than some of the old folks that come in here!” Finally, a giggle shook the baby curls at the end of her ponytail and her body relaxed a little. 

 

Bandaid on. Sleeve pulled down. At least 17 cartoon stickers collected in her little fingers. Sucker unwrapped. Sparkly velcro shoes jumped down. And from there we start the countdown. 364 days until the next ‘big shot.’

wonderings...

I’ve been wondering a lot about Noah lately. When God asked him to build the boat. 

 

Things like…

Did Noah already know how to build? 

Was he a carpenter previously? Or maybe his dad was, so he grew up knowing about this field? 

Or did he go to school for boating or have any training in engineering? 

Did God call him to build because he was perfect for this job as a result of something in his background which had prepared him for this?

After God called him to ‘build a boat in the desert’ did he then send him to a conference about it or connect him with other builders who could support and encourage him? 

 

No. No, he didn’t.

and why does my brain think that’s the kind of stuff he’d need in a position like that? 

 

God told him to build a boat and then Noah just got to work. As far as I know, he didn’t think about it for six months, ask around, have people pray for his decision, take a course, prepare… he just started doing it. Trusting God had all those details figured out and would guide him a different way if he started to take a wrong step. “and Noah did all that the Lord had commanded of him.” Gen 7:5

 

When I read thru Noah’s story in Genesis and what God commanded of him, God did give him some very specific instructions on how to build the ark; what kind of wood to use, exactly what size it should be, etc. However, he also left some less significant parts of the instruction up to Noah: where to get the wood, where to build it, how many hours to work each day, how to handle those who wouldn’t have understood what he was doing… which was building a boat in the desert, where it never rains, like a weirdo. I’m sure the people around him had lots of comments and doubts or advice but instead of listening to what other people thought about it you know what the text says Noah did? 

 

“Noah walked with God.” Genesis 6:9 

 

That’s why God asked him to do it. Noah’s heart was seeking and following God. Walking with Him. Which means he knew the One giving the instruction. He trusted him completely. And followed him. And that was all he needed.

 

So, yeah, just thoughts I’ve been having about the thing I feel God is asking me to do. To me, the thing feels like building a boat in the desert. Coming out of nowhere. Makes no sense to me. Like “no evidence of rain so why would I ever build a boat?” kinda thing. 

 

And I’m wanting to wait until I have very specific instructions or direction. Or more credentials. or more time. more permission.

 

Excuses are SO easy to come up with. I’ve been justifying them for years…

I’m not good enough.

I don’t have enough training.

I’ve never done this before.

I don’t have enough exact direction or starting points. Or ending points, for that matter.

But I’m good at this other thing so why don’t I keep doing that? That feels ‘safe’.

 

The bottom line is that I’m flat out not trusting that GOD CAN DO IT. I can’t. but God can. Just like he did thru Noah. Noah heard God, trusted him and obeyed. God is the one who saw the big picture of the plan and used Noah, knowing he was ‘walking with him.’

 

If God’s calling me to do something, HE ALONE will do it. Not me. Nothing of my own strength or knowledge or will power or preparation… but if I’m walking with him, I can trust he’ll guide me and prepare me when I need it. Which is really the whole point -allowing God to work thru me- because then HE gets all the glory and anything that comes as a result is completely from him in the first place.

 

Is there anything more I need? Really, truly? But to walk with God. And take the next steps he’s asking me to take (as vague or specific as they might be). Then, trust he’ll guide me along the path wherever it goes. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” Prov 3: 5-6

 

 

Heb 11:7 “by faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.”

 

 

________

The song ‘Build a Boat’ by Colton Dixon (featuring Gabby Barrett) brought me to tears on a jog a few weeks ago and it’s what starting me thinking (probably over-thinking) about Noah. The lyrics say:

 

I’ve been running thru the desert. 

Ain’t seen a cloud in forever over me

But I believe your rain is comin’

 

I’ve been hanging onto high hopes

Cause you’re the one who’s makin’ dry bones come to life

You’re the light I put my trust in

 

Every word you say is gonna come true

You will lead me to the promised land

Everything you say is gonna happen 

Even though I haven’t seen it yet

 

I will build a boat in the sand 

Where they say it never rains

I will stand up in faith, I’ll do anything it takes

With your wind in my sails, your love never fails or fades

I’ll build a boat in the desert blaze

 

And when the flood and the water starts to rise, yeah 

I’ll ride the storm cause I got you by my side

With your wind in my sails, your love never fails or fades

 

I’ll build a boat, so let it rain.

crossing the starting line

I’ve been feeling a nudge to write again, but the lies in my head have been winning. There I’d stand, at the starting line. Too scared to cross. Paralyzed by fear. Believing I don’t have anything important to say. I’m not smart enough. Or good enough. Plenty of people are already writing those kinds of things. What if it’s annoying? Or dumb? Or someone thinks I’m stupid?

Last week I flew to California, forcing myself to take a huge step and start the race.

Thru the most amazing people and a beautiful place, God did some big work in my heart, mind and soul. Reminding me who I am and who I write for in the first place. 

@bobgoff @kimberly.stuart.writes @magicstoryteller @megantibbits Thank you for pouring truth into me and letting me cry pretty much the whole time 😂❤️ thank you for your wisdom, authenticity, humor, storytelling and music.

To all my new, amazing friends, thank you for listening around the fire pit, meals, hay ride, cold plunge and in the living room. Just knowing we’re cheering each other on means the world!! 🎉 I’m running along side you!

God loves us!

“Give thanks to the Lord for he is good. His love endures forever.”

Psalm 118:1

As I was laying next to my four-year-old, staring up at the Elsa and Anna nightlight glowing on the ceiling, counting Reese’s breaths and thinking surely she was asleep, she rolled over and said,

“Mommy, God loves us …… even when we don’t ask him to, he still loves us.”

I think I kind of gasped a little at the impact those precious, innocent, deep and profound words had on my soul. Tears welled up in my eyes, “I know!!” I said. “Isn’t that so awesome! We don’t have to do anything and he just always, always loves us.”

My daughter quickly dozed off to dreams of princesses and unicorns, or so she told me the next morning, and I lay there for a while just thinking about her words. Whoa. I needed to hear that and God sent it through the little mouth of my girl. I kept repeating her words over and over in my head,

“God loves us. Even when we don’t ask him to, he still loves us.”

Even when I don’t deserve it, he still loves me.

Even when I’ve been selfish, he still loves me.

Even when I lose my patience, he still loves me.

Even when I believe the lies in my head and not the truth, he still loves me.

Even when I don’t expect him to, he still loves me.

Even when I don’t ASK HIM to, he’s just waiting there, loving me, and waiting for me to accept it.

“Give thanks to the Lord for he is good. His love endures forever.” Psalm 118:1

It’s just such a simple truth. God loves us. Why do I take it so lightly? It is absolutely no small thing. I sure don’t deserve his love. But that’s the whole incredible thing about it…

First John 4:10 “This is love: not that we loved God but that HE LOVED US! And sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

I love how it’s translated in The Message:

“My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God…. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about – not that we once-upon-a-time loved God, but that HE LOVED US and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us- perfect love!” I John 4:7-12

We love because he first loved us, with his “Never Stopping, Never Giving up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.” (as the amazing Jesus Storybook Bible phrases it). So, if I know he loves me like that. And I accept that he loves me like that. Then what?

I think he then tells us to love each other like that. Read the last verse of that passage in 1 John 4 again. “If we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us – perfect love.”

Perfect love. That has no fear. No comparison. No conditions. No end.

It’s “Never Stopping, Never Giving up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.”

Who do we love with love like that? God. Our husbands. Our kids. Our parents. Our best friends. The list goes on. God says, “Love one another.” I’d say that includes pretty much everyone.

Can we be honest here, y’all? That kind of love is hard. And it’s a challenge for this broken sinner. But that’s what God calls us to do. If we keep reading in 1 John 4 it says, “We love because He first loved us” (verse 19).

So, that’s what I’m going to do. Because God first loved me, I can love others. And really be intentional about it, especially during this Valentine’s Love-y Dove-y month! Who’s with me?

I’m going to love my husband with a NEVER STOPPING love. Even if he gets home late and we’re both exhausted.

I’m going to love my girls with an UNBREAKING love. Even when they disobey and run away from me when I ask for the 13^th time for them to put their shoes on. Even when they cry because they don’t get their way. God loves me with an Always and Forever love and I probably look like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum to him sometimes, too. Running away from him. Crying because my life doesn’t go as I planned….  The least I can do is grant that grace to my kids and to my best girl friends and to my husband.

I’m going to love my best friends with a NEVER GIVING UP love. They are always there for me. They are cheering me on. They are doing their best in the same way that I’m doing my best. We’re all in this ‘woman’ thing together – all in different stages. If we can’t stop comparing ourselves to each other and sizing each other up, then we’ll never be able to love each other as women with that “perfect love” and we miss out on the refreshment our soul can receive from a sweet friendship, Proverbs 27:9.  

As women, let’s keep each other accountable this month to really love ‘one another.’ If nothing else, lets remind each other as often as we can that God loves us! He made each of us in love.

I’d challenge you today to send someone a little note or text and just remind her how much God loves her! How special she is! And that even though we don’t ask him to, God always loves her!

Let’s THRIVE in God’s TRUE love as we celebrate Valentine’s Day this year.

LucyKate is TWO!

LucyKate! How is she already a two-year-old?!

Here are a few of her favorite things and a few stats so we never forget...

Oh, how she loves her 'tutu'!!! She found a precious off-white, lace dress hanging in her closet sometime after Halloween and hasn't taken it off for three months. It was the cute dress Reese wore as the flower girl in Joel & Julia's wedding. She calls it her Tutu and literally puts it on the second she wakes up -over her jammies. Then when she puts her clothes on for the day, the tutu goes over the clothes. Then when she puts her jammies back on for bedtime, the tutu goes over the jammies again. She knows she has to take it off to eat meals and she'll patiently stand by her chair waiting for me to take it off before she sits down. so cute. then as soon as the meal is over.... tutu goes right back on. She also (usually) has to take it off before we get in the car. Generally, there are a few tears involved with this, but she knows she'll get it back as soon as we're home again. It's like she is just wearing her blankie, or her lovie. It's her comfort. She just loves it so much. She puts it on and her eyes light up and she dances around and holds it out like a princess. I don't know what it is about the dress that she loves so much. She has so many actual dress-up princess dresses, but she won't wear them because she just wants her tutu. I have to wait until she's asleep to wash it on ultra-delicate cycle and then hang dry it through the night so it will be dry in the morning. Oh the things we do for our sweet kiddos.

She loves "bia da dirst" aka Sofia the First on Disney Jr. She has just started to pretend and act out different scenes from the movie and its just so adorable.

Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas (right before she turned two) she decided she could talk and all of a sudden just started saying tons of things. Before that she barely said a word. Her big sister says and does most things for her so Lu figure out pretty quick that she didn't need to talk :) She has the cutest voice. Kind of raspy and so dramatic.

She is so sweet to her baby dolls and loves to take care of them. and her little people princesses too.

Oh this is so cute... when we ask her a question (and reese isn't around to answer for her ;) before lucy answers shell say, 'um um... um um' really quickly and then say the answer. precious little voice.

She is still such an active little thing. Climbs on every.thing. jumps off everything. hangs on everything. jumps at all times. runs everywhere. in the store. in the hallways. at school. if any child ever needed a leash... it's this silly one.

She's still pretty tall for her age!! At her two year check up she was 34in tall (70th%) and 26lbs (50th%). Blue eyes. Blondish hair (well not much of it though haha) and we still can't really tell, but I don't think it's curly like her sisters'.

She'll finally sit and read books with me, which I love!!! She's not as much of a cuddler as Reese was so I love it when shell sit in my lap long enough to read a book!!

She still sleeps in her crib and its just working great and easy and I have no desire to rock the boat on this one. I think she'll be in her crib until we just absolutely need to move her.

Her best friend here (besides "beese") is our buddy Charlie Morris. He's also two and in our small group. He taught her "jump jump shake your booty" and she is pretty much constantly singing this now haha she says"jump jump booty booty" its hilarious.

she loves Frozen (what little girl doesn't) and she loves to pretend to be Elsa by wrapping a blanket around her and letting it drape in the back and singing let it go or '"noman....go!' aka do you want to build a snow man. and this is just so cute.... when she gets out of the bathroom and has to walk from the bathroom to her room wrapped in her towel that makes it look like she has a crown on her head she started saying 'coldcoldcoldcold' and it was super cute and i just thought she was being silly bc she is always making us laugh (or just making herself laugh haha) but the other day reese realized she was pretending to be anna from Frozen when she falls in the water and her dress is frozen and she can barely walk and says that. so so funny!

She still is an awesome eater!!! Loves loves loves all fruit, especially blueberries and pears.

She seems to be pretty independent! She's always saying "dooot" aka 'do it' and wants to do everything by herself. put on her clothes. take off her clothes. go up and down the stairs. feed herself. get her own snack. "nack peeese!" pick out her coat. walk by herself instead of me carrying her.

I'm sure there are a million more things... but this is all i can think of off the top of my head :)

We sure love watching you grow up Lucy girl!!!!! You are so precious and fun! Smart and hilarious. energetic. caring. full of personality.

oh my favorite thing.... we still always rock a little in your chair before bed, say our prayers and I pray luke 2:52 over you every night. "grow in wisdom, stature and favor with God and favor with man" and then we sing Jesus loves me. I don't know when this started but now you sing it with me and its the sweetest sound I've ever heard. "es, deesus yuvs me. ess, deesus yuvs me. da bidle dells me do"

Reese World as a 4.5 year old

hello blog world. {I wrote this four month ago (in September) and just discovered that i never posted it} just a quick update of Reese at this phase of life bc I just wish i could freeze time.....

reeser just started four year old preschool. she goes m-th in the afternoon and just loooooves it. i mean there is no hesitation or worry on her part (except when it comes to maybe going through the drop off for her to walk down three stairs with the parent helper into her classroom. then mommy and lucy don't even have to get out of the car! but that would be way to easy and is obviously super scary ;) i love that girl.) so she just runs into the classroom and has the best time, i think? its hard to get anything out of her except for 'we dont learn anything mommy, we just play and eat a snack' so glad we're paying for this. jk i know its awesome.

she loves her sister,

loves strawberry shortcake (but not as much as she loves her sister),

plays make believe with her animals and still loves to play doc mcstuffins. yes we still have the doc mobile made out of a diaper box that she pulls around. dear disney, please make a somewhat life-size doc mobile so we don't have to have this falling apart diaper box in our living room. thank you.

this summer reese tried soccer and ballet. both were little four lesson "camps" to see if she liked it. in her words "soccer is just so super hard. and the shinguards hurt my knees" yes people, her shinguards went up past her knees. she's still a sweet little peanut. (and also still allergic to peanuts for the record). so we told her it was ok if she wasn't a soccer star and we were still proud of her and couldn't wait to see what else she would like. ballet sure seems like a perfect fit to me. but even though she really loved it (and wears the whole ballet get up all the time - even to the grocery store or maybe the park) she said "i want to do a 'paetren' (pattern. one word i just can't correct. its so cute. and she also still says 'stegot' for forgot. we are working hard on teettttthhhhh instead of teet.) anyway, she wants to do a pattern of ballet for a little bit and gymnastics for a little bit.

so today, ladies and gentlemen, reese e. mason has come out of retirement and started gymnastics again. it was darling. she was so excited about it and was so brave and awesome compared to the precious little three year old reese at the gym last fall. who knows how long she'll love it but I'm always proud of her, especially today when she jumped off the vault for the first time and then turned up to me with the biggest smile and waved!!

she is still somewhat of a picky eater. well not so much picky more just like she'd rather not eat. haha however, her fav foods are hummus with pretzels, all fruit, couscous, hotdogs if they're cut in skinny long strips and wheat thins. who is this child? oh and apple juice. we've had some pretty good fits bc i make her drink water sometimes. i know, i'm a terrible mom.

speaking of fits, not much has changed, but she still DOES NOT like for me to pick out her clothes. we've been trying to balance this for pre school. but lets just say getting her dressed is not the best part of the day. today i let her pick out her clothes and she came down in polka dots. head to toe. she said it matched bc it was all polka dots. pink dot shirt. purple and green dot running shorts. black and rainbow dot toms. oh girl. "mommy I'm so good at picking out my clothes aren't I?"

oh and this was hilarious the other day- we went on a run with the monster double bob to the library a little over a mile away. we got almost to the parking lot and i realized it was closed that day.
me: shoot the library is closed, girls!
reese: awww why?
me: its thursday. and I forgot the library is always closed on thursdays.
reese: its ok mommy. but you should have just told me and i would have remembered it for you.

yep. that sounds right. this girl still surprises me all the time with her memory. its nuts. she's a smart one i tell you. she has her daddys brain. which is so cute bc there are so many times they just "get" each other in different situations. i love it. i pray they always "get" each other. especially when she's 13 and doesn't want me to make her have a dance party to t.swift (maybe thats why God gave me lucy. she's always dancing!)

reesieboo still LOOOOOOVES all things art, crafts, painting, creating, writing, drawing. and gosh is she good at it. i mean i'm no expert at what four year old art should look like but her paintings are frame worthy in our house!! ;) she will sit and paint and color and glue and cut really focused for so long! its awesome.

she is so energetic and passionate about everything she does. happy or sad its pretty easy to tell her emotion :) love her to pieces! i feel like i say this every day- but i just LOVE four year olds :)

Lucy Kate - 14 mo

Lucylula. you are a joy. you are an adventurer. you are an explorer. you are curious. you are a sweetheart if i ever knew one but in the same breath you are as stubborn as they come. i cannot imagine our lives without you. thank you Jesus for letting this sweet girl be a part of our family! Here's what lulu is up to at 14 months. 

WALKING!! She took her first steps right after she turned 13 months (during small group at our friends house). Once she figured out how to stand up on her own a few weeks after that she has been walking everywhere. It's just so cute how she walks with her arms up in the air and taking those tiny little steps. i love it!

TALKING: She says 'Dada' but not mama unless she's really crying

'uh uh' for uh oh. 

'ba da. ba da' - singing the bath time song

't…t…' means please

"eye" (hi) she says this alllllll the time :) to everyone!

other than that she pretty much just points at things and is happy to let her big sister talk for her :) and Reeser will probably be doing that for the rest of their lives :) ha. gosh i love these sisters.

She's always been a grunter - even at 2 weeks old in her tiny bassinet and kept me awake all night while she was sleeping peacefully. and now she continues to grunt and point and somehow we can usually figure out what she's "saying" :) I just want to hear her little voice though!

but she can't fool me into thinking just bc she doesn't talk much she doesn't understand whats going on. that girl totally gets it! She LOVES to brush her teeth and wash her hands and if we even ever say anything about water or the bathroom much less go in there she is there rubbing her hands together waiting for someone to help her :) and when she sees me getting my shoes on she knows we must be going somewhere so she brings her boots to me too. or tries to put them on herself which just results in lots of grunting and pointing.

She is so funny and goofy and just cracks herself up all the time. She's so much better at playing by herself than her sister was - sweet second child - and there are soooo many times when she'll be playing with her toys or reading a book and she'll just start cracking up. haha and do the same thing over and over and laugh and laugh. its adorable. she's quite the jokester, people. 

anytime we say bye or talk about leaving she blows kisses. and she usually won't stop until she gets her hand to your face for you to kiss it.

She eats most everything. but has gotten a little more picky about meat. She LOVES fruit the most, especially grapes and blueberries. and she drinks whole milk like a champ. transitioning from breastfeeding to milk was pretty easy for her. She doesn't love to be fed off a spoon but if i help her eat things with her fork she'll sit in her high chair forever! oh she also loooooves yogurt bites and goldfish and finds them in the cupboard and pulls them out to help herself :)

She loves to dance and hum along to songs. one of my favorite things she does. oh and i've got to get this on video but in the last couple of days she started spinning around kind of and she'll take some steps then bend her arm at her elbow and use it like a rudder or something to help turn herself around. its precious. and hilarious. 

She is in her big girl car seat but still facing backward. 

She LOVES her sister. and it just melts my heart to hear them laughing and playing together! its so fun. she just chases R around all day. and Reese is just the best big sister. "oh sweet girl whats wrong?" "no no lulu" are some of reeses big sister phrases lately. :)

Lucy is also a major daddy's girl. She just lights up when he gets home every day and practically runs to him! She gives him huge hugs and cuddles and lays her head on his shoulder all the time. Its adorable. She points and says dada to his pictures around the house all day with a huge smile. 

She is a climber and an adventurer for sure. into ev.er.y.thing. seriously. i can't turn around for a minute or she's climbing on the art table or into the toy box or eating paint or somehow found a way to get to a shelf with huge books on it. i love it but it just cracks me up bc reese was never like that. I love that she's curious and that she doesn't seem to be afraid of anything. She's super tough. falls down a billion times a day. has bruises everywhere and usually all over her face. but she just gets up with a huge smile and those beautiful blue eyes that just melt your heart. 

you are so beautiful lucygirl!!! I love you more than words can express!