honest.

I've been feeling like I haven't really shared my heart on here since we moved to Columbia... so here it comes. Through a blog its so easy to make your life look exactly like you want it to. It's pretty easy to post happy pictures and only write about the good things. I was looking back through previous posts and feel like that's what I've been doing, not on purpose but the fun things are just a lot more exciting to share! and I don't think anyone would enjoy looking at pictures of Reese crying or having a major breakdown because I won't let her watch Super Why on the TV or let her have more cheese or let her wash her hands in the sink for the 50th time. {i know, I'm such a mean mommy} But I just want to be honest. I want to share the goods and the bads, mainly because I would love your prayers.

Residency is super HARD. It's just hard for us all around. {and this is from my perspective. it's even more hard on Marks end!! poor guy works soooo hard} I think it's been particularly hard this month because Mark works from 5pm to 7:30am and we basically see him for 45 minutes a day. but even when he's working a "normal" day schedule it's still 14 hour days (at least) for him and we never know what time he'll be home that night. After talking with several other "dr wives" I have found that this might be the hardest thing - for the rest of our lives. That he has such an unknown schedule. I think it will take a while to get used to. I need to let go of expecting him to be home by 6 and just be excited when he is home and cherish our times together. I was reading another friends blog who's husband is far out of residency and she said their family motto is to WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD. I think this is what we have claimed for ourselves too. When Mark is at work he is saving lives. Literally. I need to let go of my selfishness and see this for how amazing it really is. {great, now I'm crying as I type this ha!} It just really is so neat to know that if I can let go of him for 12 or however many hours a day then so many other people's lives are touched and changed and I couldn't be more proud of him! {and to see how much he is loving what he's doing makes it so much better too} and on the other side, when he's home he is so so good to hang out with us and play on the ground with Reeser and let her put bows in his hair and we go on walks all the time, to the park, etc..... there have only been a few days that he hasn't been able to see Reese because she's asleep when he leaves in the morning and when he gets home at night, so I'd say thats pretty good.

Moving to a new city is hard, too, but actually this has been a pretty easy-ish transition for me this time. Probably because all the people I have met here are so wonderful and we love our church The Crossing and I absolutely love staying home with Reese.

but staying home with Reese has been a huge transition for me too. Maybe I didn't fully take on mommy hood in Amarillo because I was working and I had a major outlet to have "me" time. So now, I really have to make an effort to even get out of the house or even get a shower for that matter. I really truly love it, don't get me wrong, this is a dream come true to get to be home with her. but at the same time it's just hard. right, mommas? I've been going to a Tuesday morning women's Bible study at The Crossing and it's Matt Chandler's study on Phillippians. SOOO GOOD!!! I just feel so encouraged and challenged every time I leave. and I think it's just really good for me to have a 'thing' to do each week and a place to plug in. Yesterday some other moms were sharing about these exact same struggles that I've been having. How to do the laundry, and the dishes, and pick up toys, and change diapers over and over without complaining and how to do it with a joyful heart. yikes. and How do we make time to sit down with Jesus and read the word and just be with Him when it's hard to find time to even sit down at all. Another sweet friend shared a verse that was actually my theme verse when I was in jr. high... "Do not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up!" Galatians 6:9 {so neat how the same verse means something totally different to me yet just as challenging now than in 7th grade} so my goal for the weak is to serve in humility and to do it with a joyful heart.

on another note, sweet loving little Reese has quite an attitude these days. I know, it's true, even she has a sin nature and it is just so horrible to see. Probably 90% of the day she is the most caring, fun, hilarious, excited little thing but that 10% she just wants her own way {don't we all? what a crazy parallel to my life!} So we're trying so hard to teach her obedience from her young little age and she's really good at saying 'no throw' and 'obey' and 'be nice and sweet' {its adorable when she says it} however, at 17 months i'm not really sure she fully knows what this means :) She does seem to understand time outs and sometimes spanking seems to work too (except it of course just produces more crying). She is a very passionate little thing {ironic because that's what her name means :)} and I love this about her, however, if she is doing something she shouldn't be or wants to do something she shouldn't a terrible fit could and likely will occur. Its incredible how easy it is to just give in and let her have or do whatever she wants so she will be happy and I won't have to "parent" but I've found that this isn't what God has called me to do as her parent. He has called me to 'train up my child in the way she should go and even when she is old she will not depart from it' prov 22:6. and TRAINING her sure takes a lot of work and a lot of energy. but thats what I'm here for. That's my purpose these days. That's my full-time job. and I just need to keep praying and asking the Lord for His strength and His energy and His patience.... and I need to find a new word that means 'no ma'am' because I just don't know if I should say it anymore today. haha "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26


ok... there you have it. the truth of my heart these days. but even more truth in my heart is that God is good!!! and he knows the plans he has for us. and He has put us here in Columbia for a reason and even if the only reason is for us to enjoy the incredible fall weather then I'm fine with that!!! {there are tons of other apparent, great reasons we're here too} but I mean y'all, for real, we play outside most of the day these days and it is just the most beautiful temperature, cool breeze, the trees are changing colors, its awesome and we sure enjoy every moment of it! and there are tons of other fun things - our smiles in the pictures are real and honest too. :) but there are hard times in the midst of all that as well. such is life. thats why we need Jesus. I can't make it even one second without Him.

May He send you a special blessing today.