my heart in residency...

Just read this today in a CMDA newsletter to the spouses (Christian Medical/Dental Society) that my friend sent me and it just brought me to tears because it is EXACTLY how my heart has been feeling lately. In some ways, I am loving this stage of our lives. I love having two babies. I love holding our four month old that always always needs me. I love watching as every little tiny new thing she learns is so exciting. I love rocking her to sleep. and I also love sitting on the floor playing with imaginary friends and coloring with my three year old. and watching as she is growing up. and doesn't seem to need me for every little thing anymore. I love seeing my husband leave for work (through my squinty eyes at 4:30am) in his scrubs and white coat ready to go save the world and sew people up, his pager already going off and his folded piece of white paper already has a long list of patient names to see (do they seriously not have some sort of more official looking form or notebook they could use? they all just use a sheet of paper and the writing is truly unreadable. hilarious.) anyway... im trying to love every stage of our life. and this is a good one. I couldn't be more thankful for our friends here so are just amazing. they support me so much. they love my girls. i'm so blessed. but at the same time, my heart aches for our family time together. I HATE that my reese wakes up every morning asking if daddy is home and the sad reply is that he's at work. and she asks me a billion times throughout the day. and then we eat dinner, just the two of us, and he's still not home. and then he works for 20 days straight without a day off. and we all miss each other. its so hard. and i get jealous of my friends who's husbands come home for lunch, or their husband made them all breakfast. and I get sad that Mark and I don't have much time together - and when we do we're both exhausted. but the thing is we just have to make what little time we do have together into QUALITY time. work hard and play hard has become our motto. but i still miss my husband and my girls miss their daddy... but then I read this. and I feel better. I know I'm not alone. I know this is God's plan for me and for our family. I know it is a SIN to be covetous of my friend. Oh Lord, forgive me. I know I have hole-y jeans because we're poor, because I'm playing on the floor with my girls, and mostly because I'm praying on my knees more than I ever have. Thank you Jesus for having a plan for our lives. I pray that we will all be stronger because of our years here in Iowa and that it will only draw us closer to you.

here's the little article: residency wives please read!

Hole-y Promptings
By Carol Shrader 
My favorite jeans have a hole in the knee. Well, by favorite, I should quantify that I have only owned them about a month. A slightly ungraceful tumble the first time I wore them resulted in said hole. But they are still so comfortable that I wear them. Hole or no, they quickly became my favorite pair.
And looking at the hole makes me smile -- ok, if I am completely honest, it makes me frown because I can't find another pair like them and, let's face it, cute and comfortable jeans are a hard thing to come by -- but the holekind of makes me smile because I am reminded of residency. The hole floods me with memories of a time when wearing holes in the knees of my jeans was a common occurrence.
Certainly the economic factor played a role there but not entirely. Oh sure, I couldn't afford a closet full of jeans so the one or two pair I did own saw a LOT of wear. But mainly, I wore through those knees crawling around playing with my children. Chasing toddlers at their level, acting out dramas with our Little People sets and reading books. I spent more time on my knees with three preschoolers than I spent anywhere else. 
As the hole on my knee prompts me, I remember those days of being intentional with my preschoolers, and because it was residency, being intentional with my husband. The days of residency afforded us very little quantity of time together, but we did have quality time and we made the most of it.
Reflecting back on our years of training, as well as the years since, I am struck by the thought that intentionalitymight just be the strength of the medical marriage.
Would you agree that some days it is hard not to resent some of the other marital strengths - you know, the friend who has teamwork as the strength of her marriage, she and her husband work together on everything from dishes to diapers? Or what about the one whose husband works from home and they can discuss every decision in detail? 
Medical marriages are unique in their make-up, and as such, must develop strengths of their own. Just as residency taught my husband to be a surgeon, residency taught us that time together is a premium that should not be wasted or taken for granted. Residency taught us to be intentional together.
The dictionary offers synonyms for intentional as purposeful, deliberate, conscious. We must make the time with our husbands purposeful. I looked up synonyms for purposeful as well ... want to know what it said? A do-or-die attitude. Do. Or. Die. Wow. I think I like it.
Most of us will not have husbands who work from home. Or husbands whose job will allow them to attend every parent meeting, open house and birthday party we attend. They may be too exhausted after a day in the operating room to help with the dishes every night or to bathe the baby.
The raw truth is that in my 21 years as a doctor's wife, I have had seasons where I longed for all of that. Seasons where I resented the fact that Wade was not with me at every open house. Or more pointedly, days where I felt envious of my friend whose husband was at every event. Oh, did you hear me? I was covetous of my friend's marriage.
"And he said, 'What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery,coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness'" (Mark 7:20-22, ESV). (Emphasis mine.) 
"For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God" (Ephesians 5:5, ESV). (Emphasis mine, again.)
Dear ones, Jesus lists jealousy right there with murder and sexual immorality. We do not want that. Rather, we must develop a do-or-die mentality of guarding our hearts. We must be purposeful about protecting our marriages. And yes, it would not hurt us to wear holes in the knees of our jeans, being intentional about spending quality time with our man.
Blessings,
Carol
Carol Shrader is wife to her wonderful Wade and mom to soon-to-be 16-year-old triplets, Benjamin, Mason and Claire, as well as 7-year-old Cate. They live in Phoenix, Arizona where she is grateful to only have another month or so of needing her hole-y jeans.